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Monday, December 15, 2003
a true story*
me to ex-boyfriend: "here's that banana bread you wanted me to make"
ex-boyfriend to me: "ha ha. oh."
me to ex-boyfriend: "your room is outstandingly clean. what's the occasion?"
ex-boyfriend to me: "oh, it's to impress your best friend when i bring her home after our date"
me to ex-boyfriend: "date? oh."
me to no one: *sob, sob, cry, sob, vomit, cry, sob*
*embellishments for interest: 1.) he didn't actually tell me about the date. i had to figure it out on my own. 2.) i didn't actually vomit because i don't remember how.
my toes hurt from spending two hours outside avoiding seeing anyone i know.
i am happy for her.
i am happy for him.
it will take a long time before i can be happy for them together.
it happens all the time. so trite. i don't even need to explain. best friend starts dating ex-boyfriend without telling me. of course she couldn't tell me. but the implications make me lock myself in public restroom stalls and put my finger halfway down my throat before i realize what i'm doing. i knew he would start dating again. rumers that he was interested in someone made me happy for him. but... i was just thinking the other day that it has been wonderful to get closer to her this semester and that she's definitely got that bridesmaid thing going on. but this... the two people i have let know me the best and that i have cared the most in college suddenly have a whole huge part of their lives that i am for obvious reasons left out of completely. i will forever be jealous of how romantic he is. how can i be excited for the wonderful things he does for her? i want to be... i want to be behind it and excited about it. but it HURTS. and i cannot walk up the aisle on the arm of one of his friends to stand behind him and look at the back of his head as he watches her come toward him. obviously i'm jumping the gun. i have lost my appetite. i seriously wish i could remember how to throw up.
* posted by claire * 6:50 PM
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